Heartbreak and Awkwardness

This week has been such an emotional week for me that I can barely remember Monday. Let's start from the beginning.
****THIS MIGHT GET PERSONAL AND DEPRESSING****
I'm so sorry this is so long

MONDAY: I finally woke up early, and knew I would be getting to school, no not on time, but actually early. There's something nice about waking up early. Well after, and if,  you're able to drag yourself away from the warmth of you messy bed. I strolled in to school, glad it was somewhat empty. As I've said, I like being a lone, and my first period class happens to be in the most secluded part of the school. Naturally, I went there. Now for the background info. I've only had one boyfriend. Said boyfriend and I had a meaningless relationship but an extremely meaningful friendship. Before we got together, we talked every night for a year and half. I liked him for the longest time. I liked him for so long, that by the time he actually asked me out, the idea of dating was simply that, an idea. It actually happening wasn't some fairytale romance. It was scary as shit, and I freaked out. Our relationship was awkward, and didn't last long. When we broke up, I wasn't that sad. Unfortunately, it somewhat terminated our friendship. That's what I was sad about. We still talked, but not like we used to.  So, as I happily and calmly strolled to the excluded part of the school, you can imagine my surprise as I saw him sitting there with his arm on another girl's leg. This girl, is actually a friend of mine. Like the awkward idiot I am, I went to sit down next to them. BUT IT WAS BECAUSE THAT'S WHERE I NORMALLY WAIT FOR FIRST PERIOD TO START. My ex boyfriend is a really nice guy. He's really caring and really shy. Even though he knew I saw, he tried to play it off. They eventually left, and I was shocked. I was shocked they were together. I was shocked I cared. But I was also shocked at how little I was jealous. I didn't get mad at my friend or him, as I'm not the type of girl who is like that. I was just kind of surprised. Like every romance movie and book we've all ever seen or read, the part that hurt was remembering all the things he had said to me. Suddenly it hit me. Those things didn't mean anything anymore. At this point in the drama, the girl is normally running and screaming at the guy, asking how he could betray her like that. But let me make this clear: I'm not that type of girl. It wasn't his fault and I knew this. I had moved on, and so should he. So I thought all these things to myself, still too shocked for it to really set in. Halfway through first period, it started too, and I was crushed. I fought back tears, because I don't cry in front of people. Or atleast that's what I thought. Second period rolled around, and I had my first breakdown in class ever. The tears were starting to come, but I controlled them. That was until my twin brother walked up to me, worry in his eyes, and asked me what was wrong. And I broke. I broke like I never had before. I wasn't crying because I was jealous. I was crying because that was the real break up for me. Now I knew things were really done. My friends were great, and helped me pull myself together. I heard the little I knew about my ex and my friend's relationship. It was the same flirty friendship we had had. He liked her, but was too shy, and was leading her on. She was confused. It was the SAME DAMN THING it was with me, and I knew how awful it felt to be her. I care about both of them a lot, so I told my ex not to do what he did with me. Drag out that horrible flirty friendship for a year and half. Otherwise, I knew he would lose her. He found out I cried in second period, and was worried. He's nice, but denied his relationship with my friend. Now that worried me. My friend and I had a great talk and cleared everything up. There's a lot more to this story, but I really don't think I can go on. This was my first heartbreak.

TUESDAY: So Monday came to a bittersweet end. I had cleared up everything, cried my eyes out, and felt a lot better. What  I didn't realize when I woke up Tuesday morning, was that it was Tuesday morning. I only have a week of school left, so my reasoning behind this is that it's that time of the year when I'm fucking done with school. I woke up at 7:30, thought it was Saturday morning, felt relieved, and went back to sleep. That's right kids. I conveniently forgot about the other 5 days I had until Saturday. I woke up again at 9:00, thought about my chemistry homework, and realized, with what you can imagine was great disappointment, that it was in fact Tuesday. I was not starting my weekend. No, I was beginning my week. Honestly, that's all I remember about Tuesday.

WEDNESDAY: Wednesday I had a field trip to the Will Gear Theatricum Botanicum. That place is beautiful, and if you live in LA, you should really go there. Walking in, I saw this red head. Not only did he have red hair, but he was wearing a maroon sweater. The only thing I could think was RON WEASLEY, and after my first heartbreak, I feel in love. Apparently I wasn't the only one. By the end of the field trip, almost every girl in 10 Honors English was swooning over this guy. They stole my second love. I hope you guys realize this whole love thing with the red head is a joke. Honestly, the trip was boring and stressful.

THURSDAY: This was yesterday, yet I remember nothing. I'm pretty sure we watched Freaks and Geeks in AP World. The APWH test is over so there is nothing more to do. All I remember was when I got home I tried to my homework, but was distracted by my book I was reading. Instead of doing my homework, I sat down and read my 353 page book all in one night. It was so worth it. The book I was reading was The One by Kiera Cass. It's part of the Selection series, which I will be doing a review on soon  (SO COME BACK FOR THAT ;) ).

FRIDAY: Finally the day has come. I kind of just wasted this day away. Spending lunch, and every free time I had, doing the homework I should've done last night. Nothing significant happened until lunch. I was lying down on the grass, trying to do my homework, butt in the air, when my friend Nick walked up to me. I now hate Nick. Nick was with some friend of his. Some friend he has to be cool as they often do. His friend, who said I was cute, asked me for my number. There are so many things that are wrong with this. Number one being, his friend never saw my face. I was lying face down on the grass, my butt in the air. This means, he only liked me for my buttocks. Cool man. Being the awkward person I am, I panicked and gave him my number. I'm such an idiot. All his friends, who happen to be in my sixth period class, aren't letting me live it down. I'm slightly flattered but extremely disgusted at all this. And now here I am. Writing. It truly is a relaxing exercise.

Dealing With Stress

Well I haven't posted for the past few days, and I have a valid excuse. I've been under boatloads of stress. If stress was a physical thing, you could literally fill up a boat with it and place it on top of me. That was this week for me. I had an AP test I barely studied for (good job Arden), a chemistry project worth half of my grade due after that (which I probably failed), and was slapped in the face with English homework. I could go on and on about how hard my week has been, but no one wants to hear that. The sad truth is we all deal with stress, and sometimes, well most times, stress can be a bitch. But, once again, have no fear! I have several tips that I've found very useful for dealing with stress.

1. As much as we'd all love to think so, PROCRASTINATION just adds to the stress. I procrastinate more than anyone I know, and I've probably lost three years of my life because of it. As soon as you can, start the assignment that's causing the stress. The sooner you start it, the sooner you finish it, the sooner your life is stress free.

2. Listen to MUSIC. Music is a really wonderful outlet for relieving stress. Music can make you feel all the emotions, and can help you get them out. If you want to feel happy, listen to happy and upbeat music. If you're sad and want to deal with it, listen to music that will help you express your emotion.

3. Never be afraid to CRY or have a MENTAL BREAKDOWN. Both these things, viewed as negative, can actually be very beneficial. Sometimes the stress will build up inside you, and this is just it's way of getting out. I know no one particularly likes to cry or have a breakdown, but I personally feel refreshed afterwards.

4. Find  a GOOD FRIEND to talk to. Besides actually dealing with the thing causing you stress, there are very few ways to relieve it. Talking to a good friend who actually will listen to your most likely overdramatic woes, can really help. Talk isn't cheap. Talking about things will help you clear your head instead of forcing yourself just to think about it. Hopefully your friend will be able to calm you down!

5. EXERCISE. Exercising is a very good way to deal with stress and it's an excellent way to procrastinate! Not only it is healthy, but exercising can give you a feeling of accomplishment. This is actually proven to relieve stress. Going for a short run will clear your head, and give you the mindset to deal with stress.

HOW TO REMOVE WAX OFF SURFACES

So if you're reading this, it probably means you've done something stupid. Something like forget about the candles you're burning, leave your house, and come back to a sea of wax on your surface.

Well have no fear civilians, there are simple and quick steps you can take to remove this wax.

Step 1: Forgive yourself for being an idiot
Step 2: Thank the lord above that your house didn't burn down
(Now This Gets For Real)
Step 3: take a hairdryer, or something similar to a hair dryer and simply blow dry the wax.
Step 4: Once it starts to met a little (but don't let it liquidate), use a cloth to remove the wax. It may take a little force but it will come off pretty easily.

This only took me about 10 minutes and it worked really really well.

DO NOT USE THIS ON CARPET. It will only make things worse. If there is wax stuck to your carpet, try freezing it and then removing it. Again, THIS IS FOR HARD SURFACES ONLY!

TOP 5 YOUTUBERS

1. Joe Sugg (Thatcher Joe)

I absolutely love this guy. He's hilarious, charming, dedicated, and not to mention British and attractive. Whenever I'm procrastinating I go on YouTube, which is all the time (like right now!) He never fails to crack me up and make my day a little brighter. And when I say "crack me up" it's more along the lines of me flailing on the floor unable to breathe because my body can't handle my laughter. He's amazing at impressions, and he created the infamous "innuendo bingo". His video with Tyler Oakley really gets me laughing. You should definitely check him out!

2. Marcus Butler (MarcusButlerTV)

Dubbed "rear of the year" by several other youtubers, this guy has hips that don't lie. I'm not going to lie, his initial appeal was his charming good looks and adorable accent. After watching about 20 of his videos non stop, I fell in love. His skits are hilarious, his rants are on point, and his clumsiness is adorable. He doesn't have a bad female voice either. The only thing I don't like about the guy is that he's dating a very pretty girl who isn't me and I know, living in America and being only sixteen, that I will never be the apple to his pie or the straw to his berry. Oh well, at least I can stalk him through the internet.

3. Alfie Deyes (PointlessBlog) and Jim Chapman

 If you couldn't tell by now, I have a thing for British Boys. I know. What a shocker. These two are somewhat tied for me. Although I can't pinpoint anything specific that I love about either one of their videos. They both seem like the nicest "lads" as the British say. They're lovely to watch everyday, and they both have impeccable style. I highly recommend watching them.

4. Zoe Sugg (Zoella)

This girl is so kind and so beautiful. She's the epitome of perfection. Her beauty videos are very helpful and informative. I love watching all of her hauls even though I don't buy any of that stuff. She's just such a like able person and I love watching her vlogs. I can't imagine why anyone wouldn't like her, and it's not mystery why she has 4 million subscribers! Her collaborations at hilarious and quite frankly I just want to be her bestfriend. Well I want to be best friends with all the British youtubers.

5. Shay Carl (Shaytards)

This guy might not be that popular in the teenage world, but I really enjoy his vlogs. He's done daily vlogs for five years!!! Talk about dedication! His vlogs follow his family life with his wife Colette and his give kids : sontard, princesstard, babytard, rocktard, and brotard. They are all absolutely adorable and make me laugh everyday. I started watching his videos about a year ago and became instantly hooked. If you don't know who he is, check him out!!!

Other youtubers I LOVE are: Tyler Oakley, Sawyer Hartman, Caspar Lee, Sprinkle of Glitter, and Troye Sivan.

Living In My Own World

"Living in my own world, didn't understand". Troy nervously sang these words to Gabriela, in his embarrassment and fear of being thrown on to a stage without ever having sang before (so he says). These are the first lyrics that lead into the iconic (well that depends on how you view it) love song in which Troy and Gabriela discover their undying passion for each other. Well done Disney. However these lyrics hold a different meaning for me. As I've mentioned BEFORE, I rather enjoy being a lone. "Introvert" I believe is the term to describe this. I don't know, maybe I'm defining it wrong. But when I'm on my own, I'm "living in my own world" and I "[don't] understand" how others work. In ninth grade I learned daydreaming was a coping mechanism. Although effective, one should not daydream all the time, as that leads to schizophrenia. This is where my fear of having schizophrenia started, but we'll leave that story for another day. When I'm in my own world, nothing can hold me back. Nothing can stop me from dreaming or being or doing whatever. So when I tell other people I like to be a lone, and they give me that confused and slightly creeped out look, I can't help but be confused as well. In this sense, I just simply don't understand.

Being an introvert means I don't always want to be around other people. I love the saying "INTROVERTS UNITE...a lone", because that pretty much sums up my life. I've always had an issue talking to people, but never to my imaginary friends. I can observe and analyze human behavior down to the point, but when it comes to actually conversing, count me out. Sometimes I just can't relate, and quite frankly, it becomes exhausting.

Being an introvert, and living in my own world, as kind of held me back. Im not quick to join in activities, because I would much rather play them out in my head. It's hard for me to put myself in social situations, because I instantly feel like I can't breathe. But as the quote above says, this is apart of who I am, it's how I act and what makes me strong.

But this doesn't mean I don't love talking to people, because I do. I just can't talk to them at parties. And because of that, I feel like a fail of a teenager.

Please remember guys, being an introvert isn't a bad thing. Never let anyone tell you it is. However, there's no harm in putting yourself out there once in a while, just make sure it's with people you're comfortable around and make sure it's something that's not too far out of your comfort zone.

Ahh, if only high school could be like High School Musical. I'd be the first to dance down the halls (mainly because I already do this when no one is watching).  How many of you feel this way? More importantly...how many of you wish high school could be like High School Musical?

BIRTHDAY!!!

 WELL IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!! Im the big 1 6. I still can't drive, or do anything so YAY TODAY REALLY DOESN'T CHANGE ANYTHING FOR ME! But that's okay, because I was celebrated. There's no better feeling than acceptance or being remembered. Today a lot of my friends wrote me heartwarming cards and gave me gifts, mainly of the food kind. I will cherish this day forever. It was truly a grand day, and it felt as if nothing could shake my mood. And so far nothing has. Not me forgetting to do my homework or probably failing my english test. NOTHING! And that's what's great about Birthdays! I love all my friends and everything they did for me today and every day. Unfortunately my twin brother was not showered with love and gifts, as I find that is more of a girl thing. So he's a bit down but I LOVE YOU ROSS AND MY LOVE IS ALL  YOU NEED!! So all I really want for my birthday is for you lovely people to be happy, and also to you know follow, read, and comment on my blog. Just a thought. Well have a great day, as you should, because it's my birthday. Now I have to do homework, or should I call it unpaid overtime. 

I'm the one in the dress :)

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TFIOS BOOK REVIEW

The Fault In Our Stars. The emotional tale of love ridden cancer patients that is gripping the nation and consuming the minds of teenage girls (and boys) everywhere. Although I enjoyed the story and the characters, the book jut didn't do it for me. That's not to say it wasn't a good book. It really introduced a different perspective about terminal illness as opposed to the normal sickly tragedy of it. Although this book is very, very sad. The issue for me wasn't really the story, it was more the way it was written. Watching John Green's youtube videos, it's easy to tell this man is extremely intelligent. In all of his books that I've read (TFIOS, Looking For Alaska, and Paper Towns), he tends to do this thing where he uses very big words that don't really fit with the sentence and mess up the syntax. While it's obviously good to use intricate words, it's not good to have them in almost every single sentence. I like to think I have a good vocabulary, but reading this book I realized I had loads more to learn. Instead of focusing on the story, I was focusing on trying to decipher what the words he was using meant. Because of this, I just couldn't connect with the characters or the book itself. At the end, although I was sad, I just didn't cry. I just couldn't connect with it on a personal level. But like I said, it is a very good story, and since the movie is coming out and everyone is talking about it, I encourage you to read it. As far as the other books I've read by him go, I really loved Looking For Alaska. Looking For Alaska and Paper Towns have very similar plots though, as they both follow an awkward teen obsessing over the mysterious and hot intelligent girl. But seriously, Looking For Alaska is a good read. Especially if you're a teen who feels lost or a lone. What are some of your favorite John Green books? Should I read an Abundance of Katherines? John Green is one of my favorite youtubers; I love his quirkiness!!
Not sure about the book? Watch the trailer for the movie! It's truly beautiful and might just inspire you to read the book.

Grab My Button

Why Culture is Important

So guys. Today I went on a field trip to UCLA and learned all about African Culture. Needless to say it was an incredible experience, and opened my eyes, letting me in on things I had no idea about. I think by living in a first world country, we often forget about the people who aren't as well off as we are. This needs to stop. We have to remember those less fortunate, and acknowledge that other people feel that they can exploit others and exploit the homes of millions. But we also need to immerse ourselves in culture. Few would ask "Why is culture so great" but hell I'm going to tell you anyway. Humans, at least the humans I've met, are really quite weird and confusing. We all have this need to fit in, but at the same time a yearn to be different. These wants contradict each other on almost every level, yet it somehow seems to work. One way it works, is that everyone has some type of ethnicity or culture, and since everyone has different cultures, it's easy to be unique and stand out. At the same time, there are many people who share your ethnic background, therefore creating a community in which you "fit in". Another reason culture is so awesome? This should be easy. THE FOOD!! Think about this, if different cultures didn't exist, would we have: Chinese food, Mexican food, Italian food, Persian food, Ecuadorian food in all parts of the world... A lot of different types of food are derived from cultures. Not just derived from, a part of. Although I'm not a huge fan of Chinese food, but i don't think I would be as happy without my pasta primavera or my pizza (with extra cheese!). Learning about different cultures makes you a well rounded individual. Not to mention you'll sound super smart in front of your friends.  Culture is very, very important. And if I'm being honestly, I don't know that much about other cultures. I plan to though, and I hope you all will join me for the ride!
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Solidarity: Friend or Foe?

Is it weird to want to be alone sometimes. Being in high school can sometimes feel like being in a prison cell. A prison cell that keeps getting smaller and smaller as the day drags on. This may be an unpopular opinion, but I generally enjoy being a lone. I get to think, and sometimes it's just nice to get to know myself without the pressure of having to converse with other people. As I'm sure you can tell from this my social skills are questionable. I don't know how other people feel (obviously as I love being a lone), but sitting in silence with no pressure to talk is very therapeutic. Almost like doing Chi Ti (that's definitely not how you spell it) or talking to animals. Wait, I've never done any of those things. Well I'm assuming. Off topic question: do you think conversing with animals would be the same as conversing with humans? I don't think so. Honestly I feel like animals all have different cultures, and that talking to an animal would be the equivalent of entering a different universe which would be FRICKIN AWESOME!!! But back to the solidarity thing. Maybe I'm just obsessed with myself, or maybe I think too much, but I  have to be a lone for at least half the day or I begin to go mad. That's a bit backward isn't it, as it's known that no human contact could make a person go mad. Hmmm...maybe I should go on that new reality tv show :naked and alone. Just kidding guys I'm far to obsessed with food, the internet, and well um being clothed. Not to mention I have a very real, although some call it irrational, fear of things that crawl (especially spiders). Although I do talk to people more than I feel I've expressed in this post, it always seems like somewhat of a chore for me. Obviously I enjoy having conversations, but other times I'd just rather think. But I don't want to be rude, so I keep prolonging the conversation with my friends so we're not sitting there in awkward silence. Along with this fear of spiders, I also fear boredom, or more importantly, boring somebody. I think this is a main factor in my love of solitude. When I'm alone all I can only bore myself, and the pressure is off. Except with all the thoughts running through my head, I'm never bored when I'm a lone. Well I guess I'm never truly alone as Im always talking to others and myself even in my head, but we'll leave my schizophrenia for another day. Thank you to all who are reading my blog. Please continue reading, if you'd like! Don't be afraid to comment! I know I just said I don't always enjoy talking, and as sad as this is, I absolutely love talking over the internet, so don't be afraid! xoxo Gossip Gir-----------um no shit poop haha Im not ha gossip girl. Okay adios internet
  Arden (aka Ardenia, aka Farden, aka artichoke, aka ardenini)
Want to Know more about me and the weird things i like? Well you can find out HERE